The Decision to Remain a Virgin: Others Who Are Abstinent After Teen Years

Of course, it is normal and common for people to have already engaged in sexual activity before they are well into their twenties. However, deciding to be abstinent and remain a virgin after adolescent/teen years is a choice that can often have an awkward phase/stage at certain points & times in life. Personally speaking, although I still do not regret my decision to not engage in sexual activity now, there was a time when I did feel awkward & from the ”outside looking in” in relation to some of my peers’ experiences. Now, in the present I am comfortable and at peace with my decision and here are a few encouraging words for people who are abstinent/waiting for whatever reason & who may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or aberrant. Not an overcritical perspective, just positivity, encouraging confidence, and inner peace from a personal point of view.

  • Deciding to remain a virgin should not feel like a burden. Just like the decision to have sex, it should be an embraced choice that feels like the best option for oneself. Letting people who are not you validate your choice/reasoning will only cause internal conflict and over thinking because everyone will have their own opinion/beliefs in relation to your decision. So many voices belonging to others in one head is not healthy and can delete our own unique voice/intuition. At the end of the day and reflecting, we are the ones who have to be comfortable and think , ”yeah, it is/was worth it.”
  • There is this false rationale accepted by some that implies a person needs to be with someone intimately/romantically  to feel & be whole and truly happy. Many people often correlate being single for a very long period of time with something negative or as if the person has a flaw that keeps them ”alone”. I know sex is probably amazing and positive romantic love is beautiful, but focusing on what we’re passionate about and what makes us happy can help immensely while being abstinent. There are a variety of experiences and memories, beautiful ones, that you can create and partake in while being abstinent, which will contribute to inner happiness.
  • Not everyone is abstinent for religious reasons, but spirituality certainly helps in the process of waiting for whatever reasons. If someone truly feels in their spirit that what they are doing is the best choice for them, then it will create peace and assurance which grows. When I decided that I wanted to wait and remain a virgin when I graduated high school, I asked God to help me with my choice because this was a decision that I really wanted for myself. I am only in my early 20’s, but I am no longer in the ”awkward phase” where I felt weird for refraining from sex and often contemplated how realistic it was. I hope who ever is still a virgin long after teen years, or even those who may be celibate, to keep your faith in why you’ve made your choice, create peace within yourself with your decision, and don’t let those who are on the outside looking in dictate or influence the choice YOU have to live with.

 

Encouraging Positive Self Esteem Among Ladies

Despite what society says is beautiful or not, it is important that people feel sincerely good about themselves. I wish that more ladies would genuinely accept their beauty, and not put others down while doing so. For an example, someone who sincerely is confident with themselves won’t feel the need to give another woman dirty looks, hate on another, or give out bad energy period. I’m speaking from a female’s perspective, but it is really unfortunate to me that insecure women give out negative energy to each other, and this all boils down to how confident they are with themselves. I’m not arrogant or conceited, but despite how attractive or unattractive I am to someone…that doesn’t affect the way I feel about myself. We should not thrive off of people’s compliments or take their criticism to the heart. That is not healthy, and we will never be satisfied. This means loving our body types, our skin, putting an emphasis on inner beauty & just feeling truly great from the inside. Don’t worry about not being someone’s preference or body type, because out of all the people in this wide world….some  will definitely be attracted to you. It’s  just science & how the way things work naturally. I want people to feel better from within, and not critiquing others so harshly just to make themselves feel better. So what if some people don’t like the way you look or whatever? Love the way you look, still be humble, & don’t ever feel bad for being in love with yourself just because of society’s beauty standards! Women should smile at each other more instead of giving dirty looks. I’d rather compliment another female than to hate on her or speak negative. Uplift each other, have authentic inner beauty, and understand that true beauty is more than skin. Our true self esteem level will always come to surface sooner or later. So, let’s not be intimidated by anyone, be beautiful from within, and encourage this among other ladies. Remember, beauty is not just skin deep and being a positive person is a true indicator of genuine confidence & good self esteem.

Father’s Day: For Biological & Spiritual Fathers Alike

Father’s Day is a day to honor all of the amazing men who are fathers, whether they are someone’s biological father or not. This is not a day to bash men or to speak just on the negative/dead beat biological fathers. Because there are a lot of outstanding men whether they have children, are a mentor/big brother to someone, or a step dad. I have a very large number of men in my family…A couple brothers, my biological father, tons of young men cousins, and several uncles. One thing that I can say is that I was blessed to understand, see and observe different relationships/aspects of the definition of a father figure. I love my biological father Ricardo aka Ricky, he has inspired me when it comes to my versatile music taste and I consider him a dear friend. I also consider my youngest brother, Ricardo, my spiritual father figure. I am years apart from my oldest brother, Tarey, so we did not really grow up together but he is still a beloved person in my life. My youngest brother Ricardo is moving out of the country and I am thankful that we got to grow up together because he is my mentor/big-brother guidance that I have had many deep/meaningful conversations and experiences with. We may not always see eye-to eye, but I am grateful for him. He does not have any children yet, but I still consider him a ”father figure” in my life. Despite some of the choices that my biological father has made, I am proud to be his daughter as well because he has a good heart and I wouldn’t be here without him. So, I call today Father Figure day because there are people who consider more than one person their father. Think about all of the men you personally know in your life and which ones are father-figures. Many of us may know more than one. Which means all over the world….whether you are a father yourself, have an amazing father or someone you can call a father figure…this day is a day to celebrate the spiritually beautiful men who are fatherly and they are genuinely appreciated. 

 

Abstinence: It Is Totally Worth It

In my generation,  it seems as if everyone is or has been sexually active.  However, there are still young adults who either have not been sexually active yet or decided to practice celibacy. Of course,  there is nothing wrong with sex… it is natural and something humans should do. Yet, some people think that those who are not sexually active are not “grown-up” about the situation or extremely religious.  There are several different reasons why people are Abstinent.  For one, there is nothing wrong with a person believing or actually being in love with the thought of belonging to only one person ever. When I say belong,  I mean to only want to give their body to one person they grow to have an unconditional special bond with. This logic is not crazy and if you take your time & be patient,  there is so much to gain instead of lose. In my generation,  people have all types of issues with relations….trust issues, fear that everyone is unfaithful, relationships built around sex,  and etc. I hear so much negative stuff concerning relationships and bashing genders all because people have dealt with someone who did them wrong or left an negative impression on them.  Yet, alot of them are only in their early twenties.  This is very sad in my opinion .Being Abstinent, of course you don’t have to worry about STDs, etc. You also more than likely don’t have a “tainted” view on relationships and love.  You don’t see things the way your peers do . Sex can change alot of things and dealing with people you may later on learn to completely dislike can affect your view on relations.  And let me tell you this: Yes, we are all sexual beings with sex hormones. However many people who are Abstinent share values/morals that may not be popular now or “in style”….and it influences their whole mentality on sex.  Why? Well, as a female, I don’t bash young women my age who have a more untraditional view on sex/body count.  However , don’t ridicule me or anyone else (man or woman) for having a more old fashion view on relations. If someone wants to take their time to get to know people,  date without having sex, then let them live. Don’t bash them or think they are crazy just because they stand by their values and beliefs.  Being Abstinence has some challenges,  but in the end it is worth it if you really want it to be. Not to mention,  you can actually learn alot from Abstinent people. Either way,  there is nothing wrong with those who are not trying to save themselves for one person,   but those who practice Abstinence believes that it is worth the wait.  And, what’s so delusional or wrong about that?