The Decision to Remain a Virgin: Others Who Are Abstinent After Teen Years

Of course, it is normal and common for people to have already engaged in sexual activity before they are well into their twenties. However, deciding to be abstinent and remain a virgin after adolescent/teen years is a choice that can often have an awkward phase/stage at certain points & times in life. Personally speaking, although I still do not regret my decision to not engage in sexual activity now, there was a time when I did feel awkward & from the ”outside looking in” in relation to some of my peers’ experiences. Now, in the present I am comfortable and at peace with my decision and here are a few encouraging words for people who are abstinent/waiting for whatever reason & who may feel awkward, uncomfortable, or aberrant. Not an overcritical perspective, just positivity, encouraging confidence, and inner peace from a personal point of view.

  • Deciding to remain a virgin should not feel like a burden. Just like the decision to have sex, it should be an embraced choice that feels like the best option for oneself. Letting people who are not you validate your choice/reasoning will only cause internal conflict and over thinking because everyone will have their own opinion/beliefs in relation to your decision. So many voices belonging to others in one head is not healthy and can delete our own unique voice/intuition. At the end of the day and reflecting, we are the ones who have to be comfortable and think , ”yeah, it is/was worth it.”
  • There is this false rationale accepted by some that implies a person needs to be with someone intimately/romantically  to feel & be whole and truly happy. Many people often correlate being single for a very long period of time with something negative or as if the person has a flaw that keeps them ”alone”. I know sex is probably amazing and positive romantic love is beautiful, but focusing on what we’re passionate about and what makes us happy can help immensely while being abstinent. There are a variety of experiences and memories, beautiful ones, that you can create and partake in while being abstinent, which will contribute to inner happiness.
  • Not everyone is abstinent for religious reasons, but spirituality certainly helps in the process of waiting for whatever reasons. If someone truly feels in their spirit that what they are doing is the best choice for them, then it will create peace and assurance which grows. When I decided that I wanted to wait and remain a virgin when I graduated high school, I asked God to help me with my choice because this was a decision that I really wanted for myself. I am only in my early 20’s, but I am no longer in the ”awkward phase” where I felt weird for refraining from sex and often contemplated how realistic it was. I hope who ever is still a virgin long after teen years, or even those who may be celibate, to keep your faith in why you’ve made your choice, create peace within yourself with your decision, and don’t let those who are on the outside looking in dictate or influence the choice YOU have to live with.


Abstinence: It Is Totally Worth It

In my generation,  it seems as if everyone is or has been sexually active.  However, there are still young adults who either have not been sexually active yet or decided to practice celibacy. Of course,  there is nothing wrong with sex… it is natural and something humans should do. Yet, some people think that those who are not sexually active are not “grown-up” about the situation or extremely religious.  There are several different reasons why people are Abstinent.  For one, there is nothing wrong with a person believing or actually being in love with the thought of belonging to only one person ever. When I say belong,  I mean to only want to give their body to one person they grow to have an unconditional special bond with. This logic is not crazy and if you take your time & be patient,  there is so much to gain instead of lose. In my generation,  people have all types of issues with relations….trust issues, fear that everyone is unfaithful, relationships built around sex,  and etc. I hear so much negative stuff concerning relationships and bashing genders all because people have dealt with someone who did them wrong or left an negative impression on them.  Yet, alot of them are only in their early twenties.  This is very sad in my opinion .Being Abstinent, of course you don’t have to worry about STDs, etc. You also more than likely don’t have a “tainted” view on relationships and love.  You don’t see things the way your peers do . Sex can change alot of things and dealing with people you may later on learn to completely dislike can affect your view on relations.  And let me tell you this: Yes, we are all sexual beings with sex hormones. However many people who are Abstinent share values/morals that may not be popular now or “in style”….and it influences their whole mentality on sex.  Why? Well, as a female, I don’t bash young women my age who have a more untraditional view on sex/body count.  However , don’t ridicule me or anyone else (man or woman) for having a more old fashion view on relations. If someone wants to take their time to get to know people,  date without having sex, then let them live. Don’t bash them or think they are crazy just because they stand by their values and beliefs.  Being Abstinence has some challenges,  but in the end it is worth it if you really want it to be. Not to mention,  you can actually learn alot from Abstinent people. Either way,  there is nothing wrong with those who are not trying to save themselves for one person,   but those who practice Abstinence believes that it is worth the wait.  And, what’s so delusional or wrong about that?